After ten years, I’ve finally resumed therapy.
It’s been a journey I could describe as straight-outta-hell, challenging, evolutionary, and exhausting. It’s also been a slow healing process, during which I learned a lot of things about myself, my past, and who I want to become in the future.
In the end, Witches are also humans. Witches also go to therapy.
Witchcraft is not a substitute
When I was younger, I liked to think about myself as someone who could do things others couldn’t. The idea was that I was part fantasy character, part superhero – the feeling that I didn’t have the same limits as others made me feel great.
However, I tried to substitute the therapy that I needed with magic and Witchcraft. It did help to some degree, I won’t deny it. Meditating, visualizing, and even using music helped me create a practice that kept me afloat in a time of need. It wasn’t enough, but it was good in the meanwhile.
A lit match, balanced on the edge of a table [Sebastian Sørensen, Pexels]
In one of my recent appointments, I told my therapist, “I know I’ve made some progress, but I can only go so far on my own.” And I know many will agree. No matter how many times I meditated, no matter how many different songs I listened to to keep myself positive or to help myself cry, no matter how many spells and rituals I thought about to stay creative and interested, Witchcraft was still not a substitute.
Witchcraft wasn’t the problem, either
I found solace in the topic of Witchcraft. Researching and learning became a coping mechanism I knew would help me every time I needed it. I started reading every blog I could find, watching every Youtube video, and talking with so many people it was easy to ignore the problems, or at least focus on something else.
While it’s true that I learned a lot during that time, my mental health deteriorated faster than I could prepare to. I started to think differently, erratically, went into a dark place that almost devastated me and left me dead. Some may think I’m exaggerating, but I still remember the cuts in my skin and the suicidal thoughts.
It is not because Witchcraft harmed me. It’s because I didn’t have the help I actually needed. I was a Witch – I knew things others didn’t. People were fascinated and afraid of me; they liked to ask me this and that. But I was sick: my mind was not okay, and I wasn’t getting the help I needed.
Witchcraft wasn’t the problem. The problem was that I didn’t have the support, the means, or the connections to find the help I actually needed.
A man holding out a white mask [Geralt, Pixabay]
How to stay as stable as possible
With time, I started to develop a series of practices that helped me go through it all, different shields that protected me from the hell I was going through. I knew I would survive, I knew I would find help, I was committed, but I needed to stay as stable as possible.
Here they are:
- Journaling: I’ll say it a million times. Writing is my #1 medicine. Writing about my day, week, or even month, helped me to see things differently, and express everything I had inside.
- Meditating: More than just sitting there breathing, I meditated with music, used candles, read, wrote, anything that took me out of reality. I like to use trance music, sandalwood oil, and sit with a straight back.
- Candle gazing: Candles are some of my favorite elements in witchcraft. I like to look at them, focus on the flame, the wax as it melts, and the smell of it. I feel relaxed after a minute or two.
- The Blank Book: I need to write another column about this practice, but I liked to use a handmade book I didn’t write on to meditate, just look into the pages, and get lost in there.
- Shuffling cards: This is also a trick for cartomancy sessions. Focusing on the cards as I shuffle them helps me relax, and I do it after meditating to get a card as well, a quick message.
Editorial Note: The article describes challenges with mental health issue. Mental health is a serious challenge experienced by millions of people. If you feel you need to speak with someone, there are many options. If you feel you or someone is in crisis, call 911 or 988 in the United States, in Canada 833-456-4566, in UK contact NHS or Samaritans at 116 123, Wherever you are, there is a crisis hotline . If you need assistance to find treatment services in the USA, call Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). SAMHSA also has a Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator on its website that can be searched by location.
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