Witchcraft practices to (finally!) come out

Author’s note: the following column discusses homophobia, mental health, self harming, suicide, and depression. Discretion is advised.

Once upon a time, a boy, about seven or eight years old, learned he was bisexual. This boy didn’t have the words for it, but he knew both boys and girls were pretty to his eyes. The word he did have was “faggot,” and he knew he couldn’t say he liked boys as well.

Bisexual pride flag [Peter Salanki, Wikimedia Commons, CC 2.0]

That boy was me in elementary school, around 2002, 2003. It wasn’t until December 22, 2024, when I was a grown man and a Witch, that I let the world know about this part of myself.

Surviving as a Watered-Down Human

All these years didn’t pass in vain. I have suffered major episodes of depression, anxiety, stress, sleep and eating disorders, self-harming, and suicidal thoughts. I didn’t have the resources or the support I wish I had at the time, and even though there were ups and downs, one thing was constant: my confidence in who I am and my beliefs.

Pride Month has always felt bittersweet to me until now. I was jealous to the bones about those who could speak freely about their identities, whereas I had to conceal mine, edit my words, and make sure that I wouldn’t let it slip out. I was a watered-down version of myself. It worked for a time, to be honest, but it couldn’t work forever.

Now that I can be open about this, now that I can reclaim the colors of the bisexual flag as my own, as lights of power during my meditations, I want to share a few practices that kept me as safe and sane as it was possible at the time. Just as they helped me, I hope they can help others. However, this is not any kind of substitute for professional help. I couldn’t get it at the time, so I had to make do with whatever I had, but please use every single option you have to get professional help if you are struggling or going through a crisis.

A Set of Practices

I am a firm believer that you should do what works for you. You don’t need an explanation other than it is helping you feel better. However, I also believe in the power of proof and science. I have done my best to include both my own perspective but also scientific research to back my claims. I am a Witch just as much as I am an academic.

Journaling has been a huge part of my journey. A research paper published in Frontiers in Psychology explains that journaling has “a beneficial impact on the brain’s connectivity patterns related to learning and remembering.” Writing also “helps people process life’s emotional ups and downs through sense-making—the greater the cognitive effort to find meaning” according to Psychology Today. I have a kept Book of Mirrors, a Witchcraft journal, since 2012, and I still write in it when I can and need. Along with writing my Book of Shadows, it is the most important part of my practice, and the most fulfilling.

Tarot readings have helped me a lot, and research has also proven that “not only does Tarot have the potential to be used rationally and intelligently as a therapeutic tool, but it is currently being used this way by women, outside of academic and professional circles.” Not every day, but as often as I could, I would draw my cards to connect with them, disconnect from whatever was happening, and focus on my spiritual growth.

Meditation was a strong part of my practice. Some research has shown that it “may diminish inflammation and other biological stresses that occur at the molecular level.” When I was most desperate, I started meditating at night for at least one minute. That was it. I’d light a candle, some incense, gte essential oil, play some music, close my eyes, and breathe. Some times it was longer, sometimes not so, but the effect was there. Pop music has been the most effective for me, but feel free to experiment and create your own visualizations.

Pop culture magic is another thing I’ve experimented with. It builds on the previous practice because you use what is meaningful, what is important for you, what makes you feel something. I used Celtic-inspired music for a long time, but there were instances where I needed some heavy metal, which has been shown to “help lessen negative emotions you may be feeling. It may also help reduce cortisol levels, which can result in less stress,” according to a an article by S.A. Wright in Psych Central. Wright goes on to say, “Many fans may be energized by its powerful sound and find solace in emotionally intense lyrics.” (Wright, 2021). Did you get an idea watching The Wheel of Time or reading the House of Night? Give it a try and see what happens.

Last, but by no means least, Reading. Both as a distraction and an exploration, reding has been a fundamental part of my life. Not only it is a “means of emotional regulation, stress reduction, and enhanced empathy”, as said by the researchers Chanderkant Gorsy and Muskan, but also it “takes your mind away from other things happening in your environment,” according to Homa Warren at the Baylor College of Medicine. I experienced all this, and the best part is that the effect is bigger as you do it regularly.

Ok but… when should I come out?

Whenever you feel ready. No one knows your situation better than you do. No one knows how you feel when you see this or hear that. No one can experience life the same way as you. Because of this, the choice of when, how, why, and to whom you come out of the closet is entirely yours.

 

 

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A post shared by Alan D.D. (@alanddauthor)

I have a dear friend who didn’t understand this at a time and told me that someone else might benefit from me speaking openly about my identity, and I told him that that person’s benefit, as selfish as it sounded, couldn’t come at the expense of my quality of life. I wasn’t in a position or a time where it would have been safe for me to come out. I wasn’t ready for it.

Some people announce it to the public with a social media post, some go friend by friend and then their parents, some speak freely about it since they are children, and some keep it a secret until they are independent. There is not a script you can follow or a magical formula you can use. It is an experience as unique as we are all are as human beings.

My friend later understood his mistake and I told him I understood why he said what he said. He has been a constant support on my path towards freedom. Along with him, there were others, many others, who I met along the way and helped me understand and accept myself, grow up and feel brave and confident.

Find your tribe, your kin, your people, and take it easy upon yourself. The world can be a scary place, but I can promise you, as someone who was ready to give up on life more than once, that it does get better.


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