Author’s note: This article includes topics such as self-harming, mental health issues, depression, death, and trauma.
I’ve been a fan of Lindsey Stirling for a long, long time. My family and I watched Shadows together when one of us found her on the internet, and ever since I’ve fallen in love with her music over and over again with every single, video, album, and live presentation. And I fell in love deeper than ever before with the first single of her upcoming album, Eye Of The Untold Her. A video that made me think about the inner fractures I have and how I’ve been healing them.
Some Context First
I recommend that you watch the video first, but if you don’t know who she is or don’t know about her beginnings, you want to get some context first.
As a representation of her feelings, Lindsey shows moments that meant a lot to her, both in terms of empowerment and loss, joy and grief. There are several references to some of her most memorable moments and videos (sadly, Shadows is not included), but also her personal struggles that almost made her quit, especially that presentation that even to this day makes her cry.
Lindsey has been open about her battle with mental health issues, especially depression and eating disorders, which inspired her second album, Shatter Me, especially the title track, which serves as the second single. As someone who has dealt with his own mental health problems, this resonates a lot with me. However, this single and its video touched a sensible vein in me.
I’ve felt that I’m in a constant state of fight or flight regarding my writing, disillusioned with the results I’ve gotten, trapped in a situation similar to Lindsey in that presentation. I saw myself in her pain, hurt, confusion, and her disappointment. I’ve felt all of that and then some, and I’ve wanted to give up more times that I want to admit. But her video gave me another idea for music Witchcraft – not a ritual, but a spell or meditation I felt emotional about.
All Different Future Scenarios
During the first part of the spell, I picture myself back to the room in my Grandma’s house where I started writing my first serious project. The image is clear in my head and I can go back there with no issue. It always brings a nostalgic feeling, so I allow myself to stay there, the scene breaking apart when the rhythm changes: Now I’m in my bedroom, writing nonstop, tears in my eyes, but still moving my fingers.
Lindsey Stirling from “Eye of the Untold Her” [Concord Records]
In there, as the song progresses, a lot of light enters from the window, which for me it represents my guides and healing. As it fills the room, I visualize it going inside my body through my pores, the scene fading into white to then show me when I was on the bathroom’s floor, some alcohol, toilet paper, and me tending my self-harm cuts on the knees.
Lindsey shows a grave in this part, and so I also go back to when I lost my dad and all the days, even years, I spent depressed for different reasons: me crying in the bedroom, at college, the restroom again, the fights with my relatives, and so on and on. Until the song changes again.
I get out of the bathroom, my knees now cut as well, and picture different versions of me coming to meet me just like it happens in the video: The writer, the professional Witch, the academic, the journalist, the husband and father, the one who can visit Venezuela and be with his family, the one with a family here in the US. I get different images, all different future scenarios, which I see crystal clear as soon as I look them in the eye. I let this part be as free as possible, until the very end:
During those last notes, I go back to the room in my Grandma’s house, pree-teen me not writing anymore, and I just put my hands on his shoulders.
Battling Phantoms
It’s not the first time that I’ve used Lindsey’s music in my craft. Just a few days ago, before writing this column, I was listening to “Love Goes On And On”, with Amy Lee’s haunting voice, as a prayer to my dad and blood ancestors, for example, and have her “Kashmir” cover for whenever I may need to defend myself and my family.
However, this one song meant a lot for me because I could feel myself in every second of it. Even those voices at the beginning and the end, phantoms for her presentation, remind me of how hard I had to fight against my own head to keep going.
While it’s too early to say anything, I have the feeling that Lindsey’s new album will have more music for Witchcraft than I expect. For the time being, I keep healing inside out with this single, the video, the memories, and noticing the changes. I can only recommend you do the same if needed.
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