Back in October, I had the chance to participate in a local oddities and curiosities market. I wasn’t sure if there would be space for me as a Witch, if it was something the organizers had contemplated, but, surprise, there was already one tarot reader! I applied as a tarot and oracle reader, and as a sigil crafter, and finally got accepted.
A Little Background
For those who’ve read me in the past, I’ve said several times that I didn’t feel like I fit in the spiritual world of energy healers and reiki masters. Even though I practice these methods and I love them, and even take clients as such now and then, it was never my place back in Venezuela, nor here in the Latin community here in the States. I felt cast out.
No matter where I looked, there were people dressed in white and pastels, playing calming music and new age songs, standing next to figures of angels. They talked in sentences that seemed taken out of The Secret. It was a scene that I didn’t want to belong to, but it seemed like the only option no matter where I looked.
I’ve been looking for the total opposite: a community of darkly-inclined people dressed in white, with piercings, tattoos, crazy hair, fascinated by death and the occult, interested in the darker side of nature and graveyards. You get the idea. And then I found it!
An old book, a key, and a wand. [Pexels]
One day, I was participating in an activity with my mom and her friends who have a holistic spa. There was Zumba, meditation, reiki, and so on. And I felt out of space, big time. Then I saw a post on social media about a market with space for vendors. I didn’t think twice, and in a matter of minutes I was accepted to participate as a reader and sigil crafter.
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Ready. Set. Go(th)!
I had no idea what to expect, as it would be my first time participating in a market like this since I moved to the United States, and I started second-guessing everything. However, at the same time, I knew that this was the chance I’d been waiting for years. I had hardly given readings in English, frustrated with my stutter when speaking, so I spoke to that part of myself: “Shut. Up. Keep moving forward.”
I’ve been doing that for a while now, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and I decided this would be the chance to prove to everyone who told me that I would scare clients with my aesthetic that I could do it. Deep inside, I wanted to prove it to myself.
I designed the ads I would use, made a sketch of how I’d arrange my table, borrowed a black tablecloth, and took several extra things just in case. When the day came, I wasn’t excited, nervous, or regretful, but over the moon. It took me no time to get my table ready, so I took some time to see the others and find some eye candy for my goth soul. Then I got back to my place when the event was about to start.
Alan U. Dalul at his table at the curiosities fair [courtesy]
While I didn’t get any clients in the first hour, I told myself it would be just a question of time. After that uncomfortable time, several people got interested on my table, and I then started giving readings, got enough to cover the cost of my entry, and earned some extra money that helped to pay the bills.
Go(th)ing forward!
As I write this, I’m getting ready for a second event, now focused on the Witch community of the city I live in. I’ve been thinking about new ideas, making plans, and painting for the first time in ages – my first time ever with watercolors.
Getting out of my comfort zone has proven helpful to keep go(th)ing forward with my practice, developing new ideas, and feeling more confident about them. Knowing that there’s a community was also good not only for my self-esteem but also for sense of identity; knowing that I’m not the only one who likes the things that I do, that there’s a place for this little monster both in the Lady Gaga fandom and the Witch community.
However, none of this would have happened if I allowed my head to overthink it when I had the chance to apply for that first event. I feel that the more we allow that to happen, the less we grow, the less we evolve, developing a dual personality that is confident about our practice but also insecure about showing it to others. It’s true that Witchcraft and Occultism are often solitary practices, but they don’t have to be all the time.
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