Spring arrived in western North Carolina carried on winds that shrieked and howled as they traveled through the night across my land. Called to the window by the noise, expecting to see the trees dancing with an ecstasy of movement, I was surprised to see their still naked limbs barely in motion.
Curiosity often gets the better of me in the midnight hours, and that night was no different. I donned my robe and sneakers and went out the door, down the steps, and into the front garden. As soon as I was standing in the clear, I could feel the wind all around me. It seemed to be moving in every direction at once.
“This is the world right now,” I thought. “This is humankind. Working for change and working against change with each breath.”
Bee balm. [Photo Credit: S. Barker]
The light from the waning gibbous moon was bright enough to light my way down the white pebble path to the garden bench. I put a small handful of pebbles in my pocket, then walked over and sat down, deliberately facing east to help focus my thoughts by drawing on the energies of elemental air. I stayed there on the bench for a long time.
I am ready to move into this new season with somewhat hesitant but tangible feelings of hope. With the changes brought about by the pandemic, I consider this to be the time of the Great Regathering, and it seems that many people are ready to begin building a new, healthier sense of normal. Taking a pebble from my pocket and holding it in my loosely closed fist, I pulled together my hope and faith about the days ahead then grounded those feelings in that pebble before placing it in my other pocket.
I went through several cycles of thinking about topics such as health, wellness, healing, relationships, and financial stability, then gathering emotions and grounding them in a pebble. By the time I finished, I had shifted all the pebbles to the other pocket in my robe. It’s funny how much more aware of the weight in my pocket I was when it was filled with pebbles carrying energy.
I had saved the most significant issue on my mind and in my heart for last, as one does. When I stood to fetch another pebble, a large piece of white quartz caught my eye. Last fall, I found it when I was tidying the garden and had tossed it into the center of the dianthus circle. I had no idea where it came from but knew I would find a purpose for it eventually, and so I did that night. I picked up the quartz, then sat back down and steadied my breathing before I mentally stepped into a place of fear and sorrow.
There is a sense of surreal contradiction when I consider all of the hopeful, positive things I mentioned above with the same mind that is so profoundly aware of the horrors and atrocities that the people of Ukraine are suffering. Further, still, that mind has acknowledged that the nightmares of my childhood seem to be on the verge of coming true. I grew up under the long shadows of World War II and the Cold War. As I sat in the dark, I rather idly wondered if people who are younger than I understand those fears; if they realize that the leaders of Russia have long been the monsters in the closet, and now the closet door is open.
The bee balm is rioting [Photo Credit: S. Barker]
I began to feel overwhelmed by sadness and fear and by the feeling of helplessness that so often accompanies large-scale disaster. What can I possibly do to help? How can I do anything that would make a difference? The next thing I knew, I was crying, tears streaming down my face. That was the first time that night that I felt the wind’s chill, and it left my face feeling icy. Without thinking, I tried to reach into my pocket for a handkerchief, but I could not do so because I was holding that fist-sized chunk of quartz.
Spiraling in a storm of thoughts and emotions, I had entirely forgotten that I was holding a rock and why. I had to laugh at myself – how fortunate that I had tried to reach into my pocket instead of trying to wipe my eyes. I would have whacked myself in the head.
Laughing allowed me to disconnect from negativity, reset myself, and redirect my train of thought to all the positive actions available. There is no need for me to feel helpless, and of course, there is no need to reinvent the wheels that roll people through times of crisis. For years, I have been reading and talking about them with witches and pagans and other good people. For me, prayer and magical workings always come to mind first, and I reject the common trope that “thoughts and prayers” mean nothing. I live in a world where magic is real and part of my everyday life. Working with energy to effect change is common practice among my people, and among people in my circles, thoughts and prayers are empowered, concrete action.
Change happens slowly but the energy will transform and bring its fruits and a solid course of action. It may even blossom as courage to become informed, to act politically, and to vote with conscience. It can lead us to become empowered to challenge elected officials with imminent action via email, letters, and phone calls. It can guide us to organize to influence policy or offer support to trusted aid agencies. That energy may even grow into volunteering locally or even internationally.
I currently follow the social media page of a man in Poland, volunteering for the World Central Kitchen. My realtor is working with Doctors Without Borders. A poet in Dallas teaches poetry to young people and goes above and beyond to lift them up. Every day I see posts and stories about folks who volunteer within their communities to help the houseless, to support food pantries, assist with transportation, ease language barriers, volunteer in schools, in prisons, in shelters, rescue cats and dogs and wildlife, etc., etc., etc. The list is endless. The work is endless. The love and compassion are endless, and everything that one person does matters just as much as anything any other person does because it is all connected. We are all connected.
Echinacea and garden bench [Photo Credit: S. Barker]
In her book, Earth Works: Ceremonies in Tower Time and in countless conversations, H. Byron Ballard implores her readers to create “circles on the ground.” During the great regrouping that occurred during the pandemic, the need for that type of supportive community structure became ever more readily apparent. I thought about that as I looked around the moonlit mise en scene of my winter wild garden and orchard. I considered the slow, methodical process involved in creating a sustainable landscape and starting to build a small homestead. The most important asset I had during that work was the friends who freely gave knowledge and inspiration, offered suggestions, and shared seeds, plants, and even chickens.
Before long my feelings of hopelessness were gone, maybe carried up beyond the stars as they were displaced by hope and quiet determination. I set these intentions for myself: I will tend my sunflowers and walk my gardens, talk to the land spirits, send energy, work magic, and pray. I will share plant starts, vegetables, and eggs with friends and neighbors. I will continue to live my normal life, taking care of my chickens, family, and home. Those are the things that I know I can do and do well.
Finally, shivering in the cool night air, I focused on grounding all of that positive energy and work, all of that love and compassion, into the piece of white quartz I held in my hand. Then I took the pebbles from my pocket and placed them and the quartz in the section of my garden where the perennial healing echinacea grows, setting a magical intention.
I am writing this column a few days after the arrival of spring and my midnight adventure. The sun is shining, the day is warm, and light winds were gusting by as I worked in the garden, nurturing my spirit. The decaying remains of last year’s plants are giving way to new growth.
The bees are already busy in the dandelions and white clover. My time outdoors was spent thinning the dense growth and potting plant starts to share with family and friends. My hands are streaked with dirt and rich with the earthy scent of bee balm’s stems and leaves. The bee balm is rioting and I am content.
The Wild Hunt is not responsible for links to external content.
To join a conversation on this post:
Visit our The Wild Hunt subreddit! Point your favorite browser to https://www.reddit.com/r/The_Wild_Hunt_News/, then click “JOIN”. Make sure to click the bell, too, to be notified of new articles posted to our subreddit.