Paganism

Column: Side Effects of Extreme Caregiving

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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way. -Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
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The close of caregiving feels very much like the start of A Tale of Two Cities: there is an awakening and a realization that time has become before and after.  Caregiving lies in a middle that is both the best and the worst of times without end. When the caregiving comes to a close, like the New Year, there is an awakening and a realization that time is divided into before  and  after.  Before encompasses a world stitched carefully with known faces, paths, goals, and dreams.  Even the most unpredictable lives have a rhythm that shatters in the maze of change that accompanies the act of caregiving.   Before  is thinking that the disease, illness, or disability can signal an outward change for the individual receiving care.  For the giving care, the middle is a journey that tears the person from the fabric of normal behavior.  Whether the timeline is a few hours or decades, the side effects of  giving care may hit with suddenness or in a gradual manner. Big Changes
The world shrinks over time to just the needs of the person receiving care or the situation that takes up more time than expected.

Paganism

Column: Family, Final Rites, and Care-giving

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For every Pagan, Heathen, or Polytheist  who takes care of the ill, the dying, and the loved ones of coven, clan, grove, as well as those who are solitary in their practice, there is the uneven bridge of connection during the time of final rites. Many who come to a variety of Pagan traditions were not born into them; in fact, even for those who are born into a tradition, there may be grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and estranged elders who will attend a ceremony of final rites as a matter of closure. Funeral rites and memorial services are a time of tricky navigation between those who understand and reflect on the importance that the decedent’s faith holds even in matters of death, and those who hold steadfast to tradition from the decedent’s family of origin regardless of how unwanted it may be. For those who have estranged family members, the test is not during a religious holiday such as Christmas, Ramadan, or Rosh Hashanah, but during illness, dying and death. After all, one can escape a family of origin when good health, a safe home, sufficient food, and a good job are present.

Paganism

Column: November and a Return to the Self

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As sunset creeps ever closer towards what was afternoon just few short weeks ago, our activities and thoughts turn inward. Strolls through the brilliant foliage of October give way to the occasional bare tree patches that pop up in November. We cherish warm apple cider, and wear sweaters to ward off the cooler temperatures that mark the transition from the heat of summer to the cold of winter. The Polish word for November is Listopad, a time when the leaves fall. In the Northern Hemisphere, this time of year is one when the veils are still thin between the worlds.

Paganism

Column: Crossing the River, Care-giving

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The evening is crisp, with a hint of dampness still in the air. The descent of autumn in the Northern Hemisphere brings the blessings of bountiful pumpkins, crisp apples, and leaves just waiting to be crunched beneath boots on long walks through the woods. This is the in-between time. In my home tradition, we celebrate the sabbat of Thesmophoria when Demeter mourns the loss of her daughter, and Hades rejoices at the return of Kore, who will mature as his queen, Persephone. It is a time of tumult and the weather reflects this.

Paganism

Column: Spiritual Decluttering

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This has been a really rough summer for many people around me, and for my own family. As we approach Labor Day, the start of September, the peak of what should be a festive holiday weekend, I find my heart and thoughts turning to tuning out pain. There has been so much of it, from natural disasters to political fireworks to unifying eclipses. We’re on a wild roller coaster with no brake sand it seems, no way to get off.  So we default to what we know: we multitask. We busy ourselves.