The Mighty Thor and the Failure of Masculinity

They’re all around us, and they have gone by many names.

Incels. Edgelords. Reply guys. Cryptocurrency bros. NFT bros. Men’s rights activists. Mansplainers. J6ers. Patriots. Birthers. Snyder bros. MAGAs. Truthers. Boogaloo Boys. Proud Boys. Oath Keepers. Trolls. Neckbeards. Folkish Heathens. Odinists. Free-speechers. Freethinkers. 2Aers.

In almost all cases, they identify as straight white men. In most cases, they attempt to grow large beards and have a fondness for taking selfies in cars with wraparound sunglasses. In some cases, they pose in what they call “tactical gear” and display their gun purchases.

They can be found at any time of day or night (mornings, not so much) cruising the internet, seeking material to get angry about.

And boy howdy, are they angry.

They’re mad about women in Star Wars. Women in politics. Women in superhero movies. Women in comic books. Women in the workplace. Women in sports. Women in history. Women in the military. Women in music. Women in business. Women in paganism. Women in public.

They’re also mad about black people in all the same places, but especially when together with white women.

Like turning over a damp rock to find pill bugs, they can easily be discovered in comment sections and reply sections.

There are a vast number of social media accounts designed to farm their angry engagement by constantly posting about women and black people simply doing stuff, along with insightful captions such as “wtf,” “here we go again,” and “more whitewashing.”

The anger of the self-identified straight white men explodes in all directions, like the old chaos symbol from Michael Moorcock’s Elric books. They attack subjects of posts, posters of posts, authors, commenters, and each other.

It’s a lonely pastime for lonely people.

Their comments stretch into multi-paragraph essays longer than the original posts – sometimes longer than the articles linked – as they determinedly desire to share the vast knowledge they have of some subject tangentially (if at all) related to the actual article or post.

The knowledge is most obviously skimmed from the surface of social media, discussion forums, YouTube videos, and podcasts. The inherent politics is mostly confused, built as it is on a quicksand of outrage and misinformation.

A favorite subject of this crowd is Vikings.

In search of booty

The Viking obsession gets very weird very quickly.

The same guys who will furiously correct any vintage illustration that shows a Norse deity wearing a horned or winged helmet will go all misty over an AI-generated image of a “Viking berserker” with a digitally-smoothed-out face of Travis Fimmel, an overly groomed and braided beard of comical length, and a mostly nude and completely hairless and definitely baby-oil-saturated competitive bodybuilder body.

This mixture of obsessively telling the world wide web what they learned from a YouTube video on Viking armor and accidentally revealing their thirsty preference for fantasy male bodies unsurprisingly mirrors the fanboy fondness for angrily attacking all non-white-male casting in DC and Marvel Movies while endlessly gushing over old on-set photos of Henry Cavill in roles he no longer plays like Dr. Frank-N-Furter taking in an old Steve Reeves movie.

For guys who accuse any woman in the public eye after age forty of actually being a man (if you don’t believe me, search for the phrase “that’s a man” on Twitter) and insist that men having sex with women is gay (they really do), there’s something deeply appealing about the hoary old fantasy image of a bunch of burly Viking dudes pulling their oars in unison on a longship, sailing the ocean blue in search of booty.

They’re extremely eager to present their “original research” on berserkers and Männerbünde, but they have absolutely no interest in the actual lives of women in Old Norse society or the emphasis on hóf (moderation, measure, proportion, equity, fairness, reasonableness, temperance, justness) as a key value of the so-called Viking Age.

That second thing sounds awfully woke and DEI-ish! Who knew?

Given the makeup of the subcultural milieu that obsesses over straight white masculinity, it’s unsurprising that the simping machismo is often paired with misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, Islamophobia, racism, and anti-Semitism.

I see all of the above in the comments that pop up under my posts on The Norse Mythology Facebook Page, which I started way back in 2010 and which has long hovered between 245,000 and 250,000 followers.

It may seem counterintuitive, but Mark Zuckerberg’s baby is still the most popular social network worldwide, by far. So, posts sometimes get a lot of reactions.

To be clear, the vast majority of comments on my page are fine, funny, and full of interest in the material. Most people are normal, regular, decent human beings who are interested in a wide variety of subjects.

But, as always, it’s the toxic dudes who are most memorable.

Chasing the high

The most innocuous post can bring some beardie weirdie out of nowhere.

Some guy who’s never interacted with the page in the 15 years it’s been up will suddenly show up, call me a “Jew n—– cuck,” and spin some bizarrely racialized sexual fantasy about what he thinks my private life is like.

It’s designed to make the target angry, which must be somehow soothing to the obviously frustrated rage of the commenter himself.

I’ve found that making fun of the commenter – especially by pointing out that they’re the ones outing their own personal sex fantasies under a post about Icelandic blueberries or something similarly innocuous – only makes them angrier.

But replying seriously also makes them angrier. Any kind of reply at all makes them angrier.

The anger is like a drug, and they can’t resist chasing the high.

The pattern is always the same. Any response first gets tiredly standard troll clapbacks like “u mad lol.” Continued engagement results in “I’m rubber, you’re glue” parroted attempts at reversal like “no u’re the racist.” Eventually they move on to extremely gross personal insults and get blocked.

They view getting blocked as some sort of victory, as supposed proof that their “argument” was superior. How do I know? Because they inevitably move on to Google-stalking me and continuing the trolling on some other social media platform or via the contact form on one of my websites.

In the old days – even five years ago – trolls would create troll accounts to use for trolling in order to anonymize themselves and avoid any consequences with their moms, teachers, supervisors, bosses, parole officers, or prison wardens.

These days, they’re completely comfortable doing all of this with their personal accounts under their real names, with their security measures unlocked and all their private information out there for the world to see.

That’s a pretty major change, but we live in changed times.

Boys will be boys

We now have a 34-time convicted felon and adjudicated rapist as president, a serial in-vitro inseminator who ignores the actual mothers of his children as co-president, a drunken accused sexual assaulter as Secretary of Defense, a guy with a brain worm who was accused of sexual assault by his family babysitter as Secretary of Health and Human Services, and on and on and on.

A host of clearly and obviously awful men have received presidential pardons this year, including disgraced former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, disastrous Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio, fraudster former NYPD leader Bernard Kerik, and on and on and on.

The January 6 rioters who attacked the Capitol and assaulted police officers are now arguing that the pardons given them by President Trump should absolve them of all their other crimes, including murder schemes, soliciting minors, child pornography, and on and on and on.

In this era of “boys will be boys” and the actual and literal cancellation of consequences for their actions, why would the troll crowd bother to hide their identities?

With masculinist celebrities like Andrew Tate and Joe Rogan getting endless media attention and making liberal commentators endlessly twitchy, why would any of their fans worry about adverse reactions to their own miniature imitations of their idols?

With this endless parade of grossness, the very concept of masculinity has become degraded by a sizable number of self-identified straight white males to center only on anger, bitterness, selfishness, vengefulness, misogyny, racism, violence, and utter lack of self-control.

All that, plus a fixation on oiled-up Vikings.

Is this really what masculinity is? Is this the best we can do? Is this all we have to offer?

Imagine if the young men in World War I had simply said nah, let the Hun do what he wants. Imagine if the young men in World War II had just declared Hitler has a point, and I ain’t going.

Imagine if every man who has ever loved and supported his children, sacrificed his own desires for the common good, worked hard to make the world a better place, or dedicated himself to public service had instead said screw all that, and screw you, too.

There has been a better way, and there must be one again.

Turning to Thor

There are plenty of options for pushing back on this culture of weak man-children using anger to puff themselves up.

One of them is to turn to myths of mighty Thor.

Yes, I am fully aware that Thor is not the perfect gentleman.

The gods of Indo-European polytheisms are, by definition, imperfect. If you’re looking for a perfect, omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent divinity, this isn’t the right place.

For ancient northern European peoples and for modern practitioners of Ásatrú and Heathenry, the gods are powers that move in the world around us. They exist with us in time and space with all their virtues and vices, not above time and space and in a state of perfection.

I believe that we can approach mythology with our critical faculties intact, that we can look to positive material for insight and inspiration while also viewing negative material as warning or simply as cultural baggage from a less-enlightened era.

It’s in our own interactions with myth that we find meanings for our own lives.

We only have a brief time in the light, like a sparrow flying in one door of a hall and out the other. In that short moment, it’s more than okay to bring our own perspectives and experiences into our own dialogues with ancient texts.

I understand that this is a different approach to mythology from spelunking for insight into the Arch-Heathen Worldview™ or whatever, and – in this case, on this topic – I’m fine with that.

There is mythic material here that shows Thor as an example of positive masculinity, and we sorely need such an exemplar during this messy era of ours. That’s the material I’m interested in today.

Here are four easy concepts.

1. Thor cares about and cares for kids

When things go badly during Thor’s visit to a farmer’s family homestead because they disobey his instructions, the thunderer’s initial reaction is one of anger.

However, just as he’s about to blast the entire family to a greasy spot with his hammer, he sees how frightened they are by his explosive rage.

And when he saw their terror, then his wrath left him, and he calmed down and accepted from them in settlement their children Thialfi and Roskva, and they became Thor’s bondservants and have attended him ever since.

(Anthony Faulkes Edda translation, punctuation added)

Instead of giving in to and reveling in his first angry impulse, Thor feels empathy for the regular folks scared by the threat of his own imminent violence and immediately becomes calm.

If only we all had such highly functioning senses of empathy!

They may be called “bondservants” here, but the two kids become Thor’s traveling companions and go on adventures with him. What could be cooler for a kid than going hiking with the god of thunder himself?

Instead of getting high on rage and accusing everyone we don’t like of being pedophiles (a common pastime of the MAGA crowd) in the guise of concern about child welfare, what if men actually cared about and cared for kids?

Here’s an easy first step: Stop complaining that child support is some sort of anti-male conspiracy by wickedly grasping women. I’m not going to link to anyone peddling this crap, but you can easily find a ton of it by googling “child support is anti-male.” Step up and pay up.

Here’s an easy second step: Tell politicians that you actually do want your tax dollars to pay for school breakfasts and school lunches. Kids need healthy food, whatever their level of family income. Stop being weird about it and choose the side of hungry children. This isn’t complicated.

2. Thor is an active ally to women

Whether it’s a drunken giant threatening to abduct Freyja and Sif, a disguised giant making a dishonest bargain (with Loki’s help, naturally) to take away Freyja as his bride, or a corpse-like dwarf trying to sneak off with Thor’s daughter to his underground lair, Thor is summoned to return to Asgard (from his trips “into eastern parts to thrash trolls,” naturally) in order to smash the giant into bits or outwit the dwarf and watch him turn to stone with the coming of the morning sun.

Notably, Thor is called upon for help. He’s the one trusted to act when a woman is in trouble, because they know that (as Loki says) he is the one who indeed does strike.

In other words, Thor is a dependable ally – an active ally who will stand up when needed and called upon, not just someone who talks a big game about his own toughness but freezes when actual help is required.

What does this mean for modern men?

Learn to recognize signs and signals. Actually listen to women when they tell you what they’re thinking and feeling. Make the conscious choice to believe instead of belittle.

Stop with the creepy comments and the harassment both online and off, but also stop with the performative “pick me” proclamations of #NotAllMen and determined declarations that you’re a nice guy, really.

Instead, take actual action when needed and wanted.

When you see someone harassing or assaulting a woman, make it your fight. Recenter the conflict so that it’s between you and the aggressor, so that the target can get away. If you’re such a strong and masculine man, put that strength and masculinity to real use in the real world.

When a female friend or colleague makes the decision to confide in you about another friend, co-worker, or supervisor who is stalking her or otherwise forcing himself on her, listen actively. Maybe she wants you to only listen. Maybe she wants encouragement to take action herself. Be present and be supportive.

If you can spend 20 hours a week playing video games with imaginary women, you can spend at least a few hours a week learning positive strategies for helping and supporting real women.

3. Thor can identify the real enemy

He may not be the quickest about it, but he eventually gets there.

When crossing “the river called Vimur, greatest of all rivers” with Loki clinging on “beneath the girdle of might” (there’s a mythological image to meditate upon!), the waters begin to rise higher and higher.

Thor’s first reaction is, again, anger. He yells at the river that he’s going to get very upset with it, if it continues to rise.

Unsurprisingly, shouting at a body of water isn’t the most effective way to stop a flood.

But when Thor looks about, he spies out a giantess straddling the river and “causing it to rise,” possibly by urinating in it (another image for meditation).

“At its outlet must a river be stemmed,” he declares, throws a rock at her, and ends the dangerous flooding.

Mindless anger and unthinking rage lead to ridiculous actions like punching a river or believing that your personal financial problems are caused by trans kids playing school sports.

Thor shows us the importance of moving beyond blind aggression and focusing on the actual source of the problem.

Instead of being a pushover for politicians and a patsy for podcasters, instead of declaring that you “do your own research” while mindlessly parroting the most generic YouTuber conspiracy theories, think.

Actively engage with learning from reputable sources. Learn to recognize that billionaires and CEOs are the actual enemies of working people, and stop blaming all your own problems on immigrants, refugees, people of color, members of the LGBTQ+ communities, or anyone else just trying to get by and live a decent life.

4. Thor stands against harmful forces, regardless of personal cost

In the very first duel that Thor ever fights, when he smites the giant who drunkenly declared he was taking Freyja and Sif, he takes a piece of the giant’s whetstone weapon in is forehead (where it still remains today) and gets ingloriously pinned to the ground with the dead giant’s leg across his neck until his three-year-old son Magni (“strong”) rescues him.

In the final battle of Ragnarök, Thor will finally defeat the World Serpent, but “they each will be the death of the other.” At his moment of ultimate victory over his ancient enemy, the mighty Thor will fall down dead “from the poison which the serpent will spit at him.” He is not one of the gods who will return in the new golden age after the world burns and drowns and rises again, but his two sons will survive and share his wondrous hammer.

At both the beginning and the end of his divine mythology, Thor is willing to take great harm unto himself in order to defend others and defeat those that threaten the wider community.

This is perhaps the hardest lesson for those who identify as straight white males today.

For so much of American history, men who look like today’s masculinists have declared themselves the center of the nation’s story. Whether they were Founding Fathers who owned slaves, abolitionists who were against women’s suffrage, or “pro-lifers” who murdered female patients and doctors who help them, they placed themselves and their feelings above all others.

This state of mind in which straight white men do whatever they want and everyone else waits in line behind them is exactly where the “Make America Great Again” movement wants to take us and exactly where all the man-children so desperately want to be.

But the lesson of Thor is something very different, and our own national history shows us that different paths have always been available, if we choose to follow them.

It’s not the grasping of privilege and treading on others that makes a man a man. It’s not making wild accusations and crapping on women. It’s not attacking neighbors and blaming victims.

It is, in large part, a willingness to accept pain and hurt in order to spare others from suffering through it.

We see it in Thor as he suffers damage and death in order to defeat giants and monsters, we see it in American men who volunteered to fight in World War I long before the United States joined the conflict, and we see it in the underage young men who lied about their birthdates in order to fight against the Axis in World War II.

Where do we see it today?

Into the sunlight

Today, these guys who obsess over manhood, masculinity, machismo, and sometimes Vikings are too busy seeking out material that offends them, that hurts their feelings, and that angers them to actually do anything positive in this world.

I’m not interested in understanding the roots of their anger. I’m not interested in yet another corporate media think piece taking a deep dive into the broken psyche of these broken people.

To quote the infamous fashion statement of former and current first lady Melania Trump, I really don’t care, do you?

I care about the people they unload their neuroses upon.

If even a few of the current generation of American sad sack masculinists grow up and act a bit more like Thor and a bit less like trolls who hide under bridges, the world will be a better place.

But I’m not very hopeful.

We’re deep in a cultural rut, and we’re digging ourselves deeper every day. It’s going to take a long time and a lot of effort from a lot of people to drag us back out into the sunlight.

I don’t expect the troll crowd will be any help. To the contrary, they’re going to be endlessly and loudly whining and complaining about every single positive effort the rest of us make.

On a positive note, as that godawful Vikings TV show slowly disappears from the cultural radar and Viking metal music ages into corny dad rock, we can take solace in the fact that many of the dudes who would have been obsessing over the Viking Age just a few years ago are now absolutely obsessed with the Roman empire.

Don’t let the door of the Viking hall hit you on the way out.

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