I woke with the rising sun, buffered from an unusual-for-me level of street noise and human energy by the soundness of my third-floor sleeping chamber. This is my fourth and final day in a city where I am surrounded by people, concrete, brick, and steel. I miss the green springing of my home and gardens, but I have found some small opportunities to connect with the season. A sweet gum tree is right outside my hotel room window, leafed out enough to be easily identified. The tree was chatty from the get-go this morning, and I was happy to engage in conversation. I heard about the importance of deep roots for nutrition and stability and the joy of branches that reach for the sunlight and move with the wind. Then, as I was telling Tree about the morning bird chorus at the Cottage, a mourning dove landed on the window ledge and sang one sweet line of greeting. That message of comfort went straight to my heart.
The view from the author’s window [S. Barker]
What siren call could entice a reclusive nature Witch to move beyond the borders of her home in this season of renewal? The earth is awake after her winter rest, the gardens are calling for attention as they grow and bloom, and the buds on the trees are unfurling green stories. The mystery of my willingness to travel deepens: why would this introvert uncomfortable with peopling and cities travel to a conference far away?
It is a tale as old as time. Sorry, Mrs. Potts, there is no fairytale song and dance here. Love is a good thing, but this time, the story is about the quest for knowledge and connection sans romance.
I spent much of my spiritual life contentedly practicing as a solitaire. I value the experience, knowledge gained, and connections made while I was part of a coven, but that ended when I moved away. Unfortunately, exploration of in-person group experiences before and after that one stellar example primarily served to reinforce my preference to study and practice without unnecessary drama or trauma. Contrary to common belief, many Witches are actually human beings, and as in any group or community of humans, some never mature beyond the emotional range and behavior of their junior high school years.
Daffodils [B. Rhodes]
My decades-ago introduction to the existence of practicing covens in the real world was filled with warnings to stay away from those in the community where I lived. What I learned about the leaders of those groups over time made me glad that I never became involved with them. Furthermore, what I have seen, read, and learned over the years about leadership abuses in many of our communities affirms that decision time and time again.
Of course, I am sharing my personal experiences and perspectives here, but from what I know about my friends and acquaintances who also live in the mysteries, many of us are used to being outsiders. We are different, weird, quiet, reclusive, non-trusting, non-conforming, possibly closeted with our spiritual beliefs and practices, loners, nerds, geeks, and more comfortable with cats or plants than people.
The current social and political climate and events in the United States have made traveling beyond the borders of home to make in-person connections unappealing. The appearance of AI-generated books about metaphysical subjects and, even worse, the glut of information available from unethical authors and false practitioners have made it ever more difficult to discern reliable sources of scholarship and study. Comfortable solitude is a fine way to live. Still, some oddball strand of my DNA holds the genetic memory that informs me that connection with other living beings is necessary in order to gain knowledge. Assimilation is not required, but the more you know, the more you grow, right? Right.
In some ways, the pandemic shut-down pushed me more deeply inward. Staying home was the golden thing to do; during that time, my personal practice deepened, and so did my desire to learn. Somewhat to the dismay of my reclusive spirit, I curated a more extensive list of online connections with Witches, Pagans, Heathens, and other spirit workers. Over time, some of those acquaintances have become trusted companions and friends, a few have become teachers, and from those have come some astonishingly and delightfully brilliant connections for knowledge and learning.
An unexpected academic blessing of the pandemic was the increased online availability of presentations, classes, and conferences. Real-life acknowledgment: travel to conferences or festivals can be cost-prohibitive in different ways, none more or less important than another. Financial considerations, work conflicts, family situations, transportation, and physical/mental/emotional health challenges all take a toll on one’s ability to attend. Suddenly, some of the barriers to accessing information were removed or lessened, and my seeker self was willing to embrace those opportunities because I had only to slightly extend my comfort zone to do so.
I have been an avid reader ever since I was old enough to hold a book by myself. Almost all of my education as a Witch has come from reading books and any other materials I could get my hands or eyes on. Honestly, that could have been enough. But the more I experience, the more certain I am that there is more depth of magic, spirit, and mystery to be explored. It seems that some knowledge exists behind a great wall, and I began to ask how a practitioner can move beyond that wall. How could I access the secrets that I know are out there when I do not trust many of the people I know who hold them?
It is a gift to listen to speakers such as Irene Glasse, Amy Blackthorn, Laura Tempest Zakroff, Christopher Penczak, Ivo Dominguez Jr., and Gwendolyn Reece discuss their work in online sessions. There is a difference between reading an author’s work and hearing that person speak about their experiences and knowledge. Passion and truth color a voice in unmistakable ways when discerning ears are listening. For me, the only problem with that was that it still left me wanting to know more.
Last year, I asked a trusted friend for suggestions on how to get around, over, or through those walls, and they responded by acknowledging what a pain-in-the-ass problem that is. They also suggested that I attend a metaphysical conference to sample new areas of study first-hand or do a deeper dive into ones I am already familiar with. With a speed that still blows my mind, I registered online for this conference. I booked my hotel room and then made plans to travel with one of those few trusted friends. In the months leading up to my departure date, I was sure I would go. I was looking forward to it. A day or two before it was time to go, I slipped into introvert regret mode, but that passed quickly. Now, here I am, packing up to go back home and planning to attend the same conference next year.
This entire experience has been enlightening and enjoyable from the very beginning. I was stopped at a red light a couple of blocks away from the hotel when I saw a group of five or six people waiting to cross the street. I laughed out loud because I could tell that they were witches. My people! I could write one thousand words just about how wonderful everyone I met was, but I won’t. The essential reason for attending was the opportunity to learn; everything else was a bonus.
Speedwell [S. Barker]
As much of a difference as there is between reading a book and hearing the author speak, there is ten times more of a difference between hearing an author speak via Zoom and being in a room with that presenter when they are a magical practitioner. I had entirely forgotten what it feels like to be in space that has been cleared and is protected by magic other than my own. That itself is an affirmation that I am in the right place to continue my quest for knowledge.
After the closing ritual, I will be out the door and heading back to the place where my own roots are becoming established. I will no doubt be surprised to see what has bloomed while I was away. The daffodils should be open now, and the speedwell and dead nettle are showing blooms. I am carrying seeds of knowledge picked up from Diotima Mantinea, Clio Ajana, and others, and I am ready to continue my search for deeper truths.
Perhaps the most important thing I remembered on this trip is that being uncomfortable with peopling is not the same as disliking people. That refresher will make it easier for me to continue sowing seeds of connection as I move through this season of growth.
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