At the end of last year, I had the chance to go to Orlando, Florida, for a wedding. It was a nice short vacation that allowed me to recharge and forget about life, along with meeting some old and new friends. And I knew that that’s where some of the Harry Potter theme parks are, as well. I had so many mixed feelings I didn’t know what to do.
Divided in Two
I went with my brother and sister-in-law to Universal to see different attractions and do some reckless shopping. As I walked around Dr. Seuss and the Lost Continent, exploring several stores, I found the entry to the Harry Potter section of the park.
Then I remembered the comments She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has said about trans people. (Editor’s note: That is to say, J.K. Rowling, who, like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in her books, is only a person after all.)
At the same time, I smiled so big, feeling like a kid again.
Walking down a street in Universal Studios’ Harry Potter theme park [Alan U. Dalul]
I spent most of my time at Universal walking throughout the parks, looking at different attractions and taking photos, but my head (and legs) kept going back to Harry Potter, over and over again, along with a bittersweet taste in my mouth. There was a whole world there I wanted to discover as a kid – movies I didn’t finish because I wanted to read all the books first, an author that I admired for a long time.
An author who was also a human with views I found disgusting.
My head was divided in two: the kid, discovering magic in every corner, and the adult, wondering how much more support that person would be getting from me. I wanted to do the right thing and not support someone like her, someone who I couldn’t like and didn’t identify with anymore. And the same time, my inner child wanted to have fun.
What was the right thing to do?
A Witch and a Child Walking Together
One of the things I’ve learned as a Witch and Pagan is that the inner child must stay alive. I’ve allowed myself to be silly, innocent, curious, and noble of heart, doing things some adults would sneer at just because I enjoy them. (Heaven knows I loved participating in anime and k-pop karaokes even though I’m far from being a singer.)
I’ve also learned that the energy out there is important. I didn’t want such an experience, so happy with family and friends, full of joy and happiness, to be tainted by hatred. To hate is exhausting, so I prefer to focus my magic, my energy, my mind, on something positive that will enrich my and others’ lives.
So, what to do?
I decided to strip her of her power over my feelings. I decided I wouldn’t support her anymore – I wouldn’t spend money on her books or her movies, and I wouldn’t play games based on Harry Potter. If I read the books again, it would be with my library card. But I would let myself reclaim part of my childhood in the park that day.
I allowed myself to wander some more, hand in hand with little Alan, until we had to go back to the hotel.
Recovering Bits and Pieces
Both my parents taught me to learn from everything and everyone. I had already learned from this writer by watching a movie based on her life and a documentary that showed how she finished that seventh and (supposedly) final book in her series. I realized I could still learn some more by reading her work, but without giving her another penny.
Right after I came back, I started working on my own projects, feeling like a kid having fun again, being creative, reconnecting with myself. That part I didn’t know I had lost came back.
I’ve been wondering, what other parts of myself have gotten lost in the so-called adult life? How much damage have I done to my inner kid by being a “responsible adult”? Probably more than I realize. And how different would I be if I recovered and healed all of it?
This year, I want my craft to support this. I want to stay a responsible witch, someone who helps his family, friends, and community, but without sacrificing that spark, that little fire that came back to life after that trip.
Working with the Disney Villains Tarot Deck has made keeping the inner child awake and present much easier. It’s becoming one of my favorite decks for readings because it’s funny, it’s innocent, it’s simple, with a soft, pure energy that guides to a better place, mentally and emotionally speaking. It doesn’t lack direction or maturity, but has room for some fun along the way.
Alan manifesting his inner child at the Harry Potter theme park at Universal Studios [Alan U. Dalul]
I feel that, sometimes, as we learn and try to get better at what we do, we often forget what it is like to see the world through a kid’s eyes. We forget how magical it can be, and how healing the experience can be to us. I find myself falling in love with the world again, smiling more sincerely, while my head keeps thinking how to get back the bits and pieces that got lost in the way.
Although I’m 28 years old, will turn 29 later this year, I already see the change. The question we all should make ourselves is “How can I reconnect with my inner child?” For me, it is by writing and drawing.
And I am – he is – we are – having a blast.
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