One of my favorite things about the land I live on in the mountains of western North Carolina is that a natural bear path, or wildlife corridor, runs through it. From early spring through late autumn, American black bears (ursus americanus) regularly travel across the land and through the gardens. They use the branches of the tall loblolly pine for resting and sometimes help themselves to the harvest. Most of the time, I would not know they were here if it weren’t for game cameras and an occasional footprint.
A young bear cub in the foreground, chewing on a branch; its mother is in the distance, hidden behind greenery [B. Rhodes]
The bear spirit is a steady presence in this magical place, and through my daily spiritual practice, I have become deeply attuned to that energy. Last August, I had an encounter with a sow and her three cubs and was able to spend a significant amount of time observing them from a distance. As I wrote at that time, even the joy I felt in watching them did not alleviate the underlying awareness of big bear energy. There was no doubt that I was in the presence of a predator, the great mother protector, and my spirit recognized both the power and the danger inherent in that beautifully massive creature.
That encounter with an earth dweller who is also a gatekeeper to some of the great mysteries was a reminder to me of the deep necessity for preparing to enter the dark days of winter. I ordered some books, signed up for online spiritual coursework, stocked up on candles and incense, and did some research for ritual preparation. I also purposefully entered into a relationship with a goddess, intending to use the quiet time of winter to connect more deeply with her. I prepared for the spiritual journey I was ready to take; I was not, however, prepared for the journey that particular goddess had in mind for me. That’s the thing with making agreements with the divine. They sometimes have a very different interpretation of the terms, and their interpretation is the only one that matters.
Over the weeks of winter, I became more and more withdrawn, having little direct communication with anyone outside my home. I struggled with a more than normal level of seasonal depression and took more comfort in solitude and darkness than I ever knew was possible. Through that time, I also did some deep shadow work, work that a friend calls wrestling with the angels. That included approaching and gently confronting issues and wounds from childhood and later years that may have scabbed over but had never really healed. I often felt lost and alone, disconnected from my people, disconnected from my land spirits, disconnected from the world, and even disconnected from the goddess because, despite my best intentions, I could not focus on the work I had originally intended to complete.
One day when during a meditation that involved journeying to a cave, I realized that all the while I thought I was failing on the goddess path I had charted, I was actually doing the deep work that Hekate, queen of the underworld, required of me. I might not have been keeping up my side of the agreement, but she still kept hers. I have the profound sense that her own stage play amused her. And because of my normally acute awareness of the bear energy that surrounds me, it was even more ironic that I did not understand how deeply I had moved into a cave of spiritual hibernation until I felt the quiet energy of bear nearby in the vast darkness. I thought that energy had gone to sleep with the bears because. I was wrong.
I took comfort in both of those solid presences and began to mindfully spend time in that cave. Time turned inward is not always meant to be a period of dormancy; for bears, growth and healing happen during hibernation.
I emerged from my cave after Imbolc. Even as the earth, on its surface, appears to be resting through the winter, there is slow and steady growth happening underground. Within the depths and darkness of my cave, I was able to feel that continuation of and return to life stirring all around me.
The bears in this region are beginning to wake from their hibernation. The males usually wake before the females, and sows with cubs will stay in their dens longer than any of the others. Although I haven’t yet seen any sign of them on this land, I know from reports by friends and neighbors that bears are moving around outside of their winter dens. It won’t be long before they are once again wandering the bear path.
Tulips blooming [B. Rhodes]
I am waking from my hibernation also, spending more time outside, walking my land, and renewing my connection to the land spirits. The daffodils and tulips are up, and some of the lilies are starting to come through. The juneberry and elderberry trees are showing new growth, and buds are starting to form. The recent winds have carried the air of spring with them, and I am ready.
I begin each day now with a morning meditation outside near the line of the bear path, facing north, grounding into that good earth energy. I draw strength from that power and courage to continue a deliberate walk forward out of the darkness and into the springing of the year.
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