Eva had no money but needed a reading. She had contacted my godmother because she had heard that our spiritual house would not charge. It was true, and my godmother asked me to come along on the visit. Eva lived near Bartow, Florida in a house made of wood that had started to rot; so much so that the toilet had partially caved into the floor. She had converted a thrift store bedside commode and a large plastic bucket into a substitute one. She diligently cleaned it. Rain had taken most of one bedroom, and while the floors were stable she said she didn’t like the way they creaked. Eva lived in a narrow and spotless stretch of her home that included her kitchen.
After her reading, she brought out a feast: sandwiches with serrano ham, chunks of manchego cheese, olives, salads, and turrónes of almond nougat and marzipan. This was stuff hard to come by in the 1980s. While Eva put out her meal, I whispered to my godmother, “I can’t eat this. It costs too much. She needs the food.” My godmother answered, “You will have seconds.”
Crowned Yemaya, my godmother ripped through my intended sympathy to expose my discomfort with Eva’s generosity as well as her poverty. On the way back home, I got some schoolin’: “What you thought was compassion by leaving the food, denied her the chance to show her gratitude. Appreciating her hospitality was her demonstration of compassion. You focused on the cost of the food; she focused on the happiness it could bring.” I suck.
Lotus Blossom. [Photo Credit: M. Tejeda-Moreno]
I seldom read discourses about compassion in Paganism. To be sure it’s an uncommon conversation; even the word is rare across the firmament of the Pagan interweb. I did a few site searches inside the web locations of Pagan organizations to explore their dialogues on compassion, but focusing only on the presence of the word.
One organization used it extensively: 400+ times on its website. But a careful look revealed the word’s use is exclusively in the context extending non-paying membership to individuals in need of financial assistance. Another organization used the term consistently across its web site, but rarely as an aspirational quality. It is used more commonly as an explanation of a deity’s characteristics, and then only about a dozen times.
The site counts from my searches went from 400+ to 25 to 14 to zero to zero to zero to zero, and that was the most common count for the word, zero times. Zero.
Despite that finding, I would passionately argue that there’s no dearth of demonstrable acts of compassion in our community. We routinely show the power of compassion in resisting social injustices and oppression. We demand dignity and honor for the voiceless. We demonstrate our compassion for those surviving the impact of climate change. We show our compassion for future generations as we resist our kin who are erasing cultures, natural vistas, and even species, and we show compassion to the Earth, herself, in that we share in her suffering of the extinction of countless offspring.
Nevertheless, I wonder why many Pagans do so little talking about compassion. While I’m not sure we accommodate compassion in our theologies the same way other spiritual paths claim, I’m equally not sure it enters our community dialogue enough. In the rare conversation about compassion on Pagan and polytheist web sites, I’ve seen a range of comments on the topic from its having no theological basis in Paganism to its centrality. I’ve even come across dialogues where compassion is framed as a sign of weakness, and one’s obligation to take offense at its expression. Among the rarity of those conversations that do focus on compassion, the shunning of it was an all-too-common theme. This hints of a patriarchal conformity that endorses an assault on compassionate behavior that is neither decent nor grounded in evidence.
Psychological science has actually looked at how compassion fortifies us as individuals and groups. The expression of compassion makes us happy. It also reduces stress and reduces feelings of loneliness. Compassion is contagious, creating mood improvements in ourselves and others. It’s a defense against depression, isolation, and helplessness. Compassion threads society together by revealing how we can support each other.*
But the science is not what’s central here: it’s the lack of dialogue. Many Pagans — individuals and organizations — seem to demur on the subject of compassion in favor of other conversations and the exploration of other paths like the warrior. We appear more comfortable proclaiming our dangerous side. Remember those searches I did in Pagan organizations, repeat them with the word “warrior” and the search will hemorrhage hits. Despite the force and accomplishments of compassionate action and the science in its favor, many of us still embrace the warrior archetype as the essential aggressive force for changing the world. Even though it pales against compassionate action.
It’s easy to prefer that archetype. It’s powerful and emboldening. The world is replete with aphorisms of strength and endurance. And, nature — at least on the surface — is not the best guide for exploring compassion. The wild is ruthless, based on winning and survival. As the African saying goes, the story of the lion and the zebra is told by the lion.
Yet compassion may be responsible for the survival — even the evolution — of our species. Its expression in human evolution is likely responsible for our success. Our very distant ancestors accommodated members who had problems — as Winder and Winder’s Vulnerable Ape hypothesis (2015) notes — and through that accommodation allowed genetic problems to become advantages. Caring for one another brought about an unmatched strength that rested in community, not in the warrior. Compassion, as the authors suggest, may not just be an outcome of evolution, but also its driving force. Embedded in who we are is the capacity to guide our future by the expression of compassion, and we may have been doing that since before the dawn of our species.
While the wild is ruthless, nature can teach us through our own history, the power of compassion to change the world.
Why are we often silent on compassion? I do think that compassion has been hijacked by some faiths as the wellspring of their superiority and divine veracity, but that’s an evolving and ever-more-modern construction: the earliest sacred texts — like Wycliffe’s Bible, for example — have far fewer occurrences of the term compassion than their comparable contemporary versions. To avoid comparison with some of those faiths, perhaps we have slowly and collectively ceded ground on embracing it as a core value.
It also points to another thing that compassion does unerringly well: it exposes hypocrisy.
Compassion is a natural activity and science has revealed our human capacity to express it. It’s beyond none of us; its absence implies pathology. There are no differences on the importance of compassion across cultures. There are no differences based on any human contrivance of group differences like race or ethnicity. There are no differences in gender or sex on the effects of compassion to others of the self.
In that the hypocrisy is exposed. Compassion unmasks the deep-seated and ubiquitous societal infrastructure that favors patriarchy. Sexual socialization on our society irresponsibly teaches boys vastly different skills than girls. It also teaches us that compassion is a weakness. The patriarchal structure of our larger society is acutely invested in maintaining rigid gender roles, rigid racial roles and rigid tribal roles to confound acts of compassion with infirmity, fragility and inferiority. It’s a powerful myth that preys upon us.
Recognizing compassion as the most powerful mechanism to change the world undermines that patriarchal narrative. It would mean that the stereotypical feminine quality of compassion would be more powerful than the stereotypical masculine qualities of aggression, competition and control . Our patriarchal society trains us to use the scripts of strength and authority as the preferred ways to better the world. We are inundated by that narrative in all our spheres of life from the personal to the political. Sharing in suffering as a means to create permanent change undercuts the patriarchal fiction, and that’s transgressive, even dangerous business.
That’s what we do, and do really well. We’ve erased sterile tropes before. It’s long-honored Pagan space. The origins of modern Paganism not only reclaimed feminine spirituality, it also gave us permission to embrace all aspects of ourselves. Pagans have been at the forefront of gender parity, from theology to practice. Exploring the asset of compassion is consistent with our accomplishments and actions. A conversation on compassion and compassionate action benefits us as a community as well as honors the commitment of our ancestors to break a cycle of gender-binding insularity.
Whether through Eleos, Hlín, Yemaya, Guanyin or others — or even through our own awakening as humanity — compassion is ultimately about change. It’s the most poignant of transgressions from a system that insists authority should be held by a privileged, masculine few.. Exploring how compassion debilitates oppressive forces, builds our community, expands our theology and informs our Pagan paths and Pagan spaces are all worthwhile dialogues. We should welcome that as new opportunities for embarking to new, transgressive horizons, especially since transgressive acts aren’t a thing that we occasionally do or occasionally talk about or even a space we occasionally visit. We actually throw parties there.
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To my mind, tolerance and compassion should be the basis for every religion on this planet.
I’m pleased to read this article, Manny. I have been shocked in the past to have Pagans tell me that compassion is not a Pagan virtue/value. If it is not, then I think we have missed the boat.
I would never say compassion is not a Pagan virtue. It is an important and perhaps underappreciated virtue, but it is not the entire core of Pagan virtue nor a virtue which must reign supreme over all others. Paganism is a lot of things, but it is not simply an extension of Buddhism nor some henotheistic non-patriarchal evolution of Christianity. Inspired by the examples of our deities and ancestors, we honor all aspects of being – love in its many forms, compassion, magnanimity, tenderness and mercy, but also things like hate, ferocity and vengeance. None are illegitimate. Wisdom comes in expressing each of these things in the right measure and the right times. We honor both life and death. The instance of the zebra and lion is not a failure of virtue, nor are we exempt from those forces of natural creation. All beauty and life inevitably arises from destruction and death. Events which are, on one observable level, un-compassionate in the extreme contain what may be seen as a deep kindness. In it’s proper place and amount, compassion is important for all of the reasons mentioned. It should get due attention.
Good luck with grasping and practicing “the right measure” while gripped by hate and vengeance (ferocity works with your claim, though). They make measuring properly impossible, and I have never met a hate or vengeance that is right in any measure. Necessary death does exist, but murder, hate, and vengeance have nothing to do with it. The rest of your paragraph was lovely, though. Death is part of and fertilizes life. Compassion should get due attention, and not be devalued / viewed as weakness. It takes the strongest and wisest people to practice it in its proper place and amount (everywhere, all of it).
I run a small rock selling geodes I have mined over the years. Yet I don’t think sales are the most important thing and rarely talk about business.If my shop were a person it’s earnings would qualify it for welfare I don’t even take a salary as that would bankrupt the shop.
At 71, I have come to the conclusion that making people laugh, giving them a curious experience, and perhaps giving them a bit of encouragement is more important as we live in a world of stress, fear, anger, and discouragement. I often may not make a sale, but I usually see the person laugh with unexpected surprise. Though I have a variety of heath issues, and disabilities, I can still do this and I am happy to do so.
I have found over the years that a good rock shop, one run by someone with a real interest, is a very calming and recharging atmosphere.
In my case it benefits me a great deal by having it as my place of of
home and work. I am mostly a loner , though I do like meeting
new people and starting a
conversation. But I am not comfortable, if
I do not have far more time to myself.
What oddities that makes me that
colorful person that the tourist met on their South Western Vacation,
might in not be described that way if I were their next door neighbor or co-worker.
It provides me with a place to live that does not cost me anything,so allowing met live off my disability and Social Security. It is something that I still can do in spite of several disabilities and a number of serious issues. It keeps me from becoming a complete hermit,with out leaving my home, as I use a walker and no longer can drive.
It keeps me from getting I used to got sick three times a year, usually for six to eight weeks at a time. It is quiet and peaceful, Ietting me to get to enjoy watching the wildlife just out side my window.
Sacred Compassion. This is one of the finest articles’ I’ve read here. And nicely timed, too.
Timely article. Yes, children left to their own devices share. They do not recognize gender or race as defining characteristics. And, yes, we let power structures teach us our natural inclinations are wrong, “sinful”, or “evil”. The concept of the child being innocent is relatively new in society. Two hundred years ago, children were viewed with suspicion by religious leaders. As to why compassion doesn’t show up often in online site searches, I have another thought. Many people turn to paganism because they are wounded. Their wounds occupy most of their thoughts and, thus, there’s not a whole lot if time devoted to thinking of others. I had an interesting experience discussing “empathy” on a Facebook page. I was seeing people confuse empathy-which is solely directed to other people’s thoughts, emotions, and needs- with being highly sensitive themselves to hurtful actions of others. That wasn’t empathy and few understood my example. It is not “empathic” if you are feeling hurt because you perceive the staff as uncaring when you wait to be seen in the ER, it is empathic if you understand the staff might be hurting after failing to save the life of that 12 year old suicide victim. I suspect it is the same with the idea of “compassion”. I find it interesting that “warrior” was listed so much, it supports my belief-what is a “warrior” if not someone who fights against perceived hurts and wounding? Will a compassion ethos develop in paganism? I don’t know. Maybe if more people “grow up” in the tradition instead of “find it” after feeling marginalized by more dominant groups.
Thank you for this! Compassion is at the very heart of my personal Pagan practice; I am a daughter of Brighid and Isis.
I love this quote from Pausanias speaking of Eleos: “The Athenians are the only ones among the Hellenes that worship this divine being, and among all the gods this is the most useful to human life in all its vicissitudes.”