Ready To Spread Those “Secret Pagan” Rumors?

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Tired of the “Obama is a secret Muslim” rumors? Starhawk has (jokingly) proposed that we fight fire with fire and start claiming that McCain is a secret Pagan.


Senator McCain? Is that you under there?

“You don’t have to be a Pagan to win my vote–in fact, I’d advise you not to be a Pagan if you want to win an election. Hmmn, perhaps we don’t make enough use of unpopular religions. Since there’s a widespread internet lie that Obama is really a Muslim, perhaps we should counter with the rumor that McCain was seen dancing naked in the moonlight, wearing goats’ horns. Really–it’s true. I’ve seen it myself. Okay, it was a vision–and what a vision! I had to dose myself with ibuprofen and valerian tea afterwards to recover. But my visions are rarely false.”

Who are we to say that Starhawk’s visions aren’t true? She also seem eager to offer her services as an advisor to the politically powerful. A Pagan version of Rick Warren if you will.

“How I would love to advise the candidates on religion! I believe I’m eminently qualified as a political strategist, on three key points: I’ve been in trouble more times than I can count for protesting one thing or another, generally some form of war; I’ve watched five seasons of West Wing on DVD; and I’m psychic.”

So keep your eyes open for stag-horned crowns, or secret Pagan hand signals, at the Republican National Convention*. And if you happen to see any suspicious looking groups in robes heading out into the moonlight, check to see if any of them are secret service.

* If McCain were a “secret Pagan”, if would explain why the RNC is being held in Paganistan.