Witches, Swords, and a DUI

Jason Pitzl-Waters —  July 22, 2008 — 2 Comments

Obviously the lesson of the inebriated Witch from last year who was arrested while in the process of burning a cooler and rubber car-mats on a bonfire was lost on our community. Because two, count-em, two, incidents involving Witchcraft and the law in the past week have made the news. First, a woman who was either under the influence, colossally unlucky, or merely very clumsy, accidentally stabbed her foot with a sword in a graveyard.

“According to a Lebanon Police Department news release, Katherine Gunther, 36, was performing a Wiccan “ceremony of thanks” in Oak Hill Cemetery around 12:15 a.m. Saturday when she ran the blade through her left foot. She said in an interview Monday that she’d had a run of good luck recently and wanted to give thanks with the rite. Gunther said she was aiming to put a sword in the ground when it accidentally hit her foot. “It wasn’t the first time I performed the ritual, but it was the first time I put a sword through my foot,” she said.”

Police are letting her and her friends off with a warning for trespassing in the cemetery (feeling perhaps that they have suffered enough). In an interview, Gunther said there was nothing left to do but laugh it off.

“It’s like all you can do is laugh at it now. All you can do when something like this happens is make the best out of it,”

Slightly less funny is a woman pulled over for driving while intoxicated who claimed to be a “black witch” who would “hex” the police officer.

“A DUI arrest an unusual turn on July 11 when the suspect claimed to be a “black witch” and threatened to place a hex on the arresting officers, Eagle police said. The 56-year-old woman first caught the attention of a patrolling officer when he had to swerve to avoid a head-on crash when her vehicle crossed into his lane on Broadway at about 8 p.m. Her car kept swerving and she was pulled over. The woman behind the wheel had slurred speech and glassy eyes. She said she had consumed a couple of tequilas and was also taking methadone … When the cops handcuffed and arrested her, she began yelling profanities and declared herself to be a “black witch.” She also threatened to hex the two officers involved. On the way to jail, she kicked and banged her head on the interior of the cop’s car.”

Classy! The “black witch” has been charged with driving on a suspended license, careless driving, and resisting arrest, among other things.

So remember kids, be careful with sharp objects, if you do accidentally stab yourself, it is a lot less embarrassing if you aren’t trespassing in the process. Don’t mix methadone with tequila, and driving under the influence is never, ever, ever, a good idea. You too can avoid legal trouble, and embarrassing press coverage, if you follow these simple guidelines.

Jason Pitzl-Waters