Tyra’s Witchcraft Adventure!

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You would think that with all the Wiccans on reality programs nowadays that it would be passe’ for a morning talk-show host to feature them (as was somewhat common in the eighties). But yesterday Tyra Banks, apparently low on women who can’t choose which guy to marry and frumpy housewives who need a fashion makeover, decided to trot out some Pagans for the studio audience.

“Tyra’s role as talk show host is to educate and enlighten people about topics that are either relevant to our lives, or just too noteworthy to ignore. But at the beginning of this episode, Tyra admitted she had some reluctance about covering this particular subject. The topic was witchcraft, and the occult, controversial practices are more common than you might think. Tyra revealed more than 400,000 people in the U.S. claimed to practice witchcraft, and she introduced us to proponents of various intriguing, yet forbidden, traditions who wanted to shatter misconceptions about their craft.”

Phew! Thats a relief. She is here to shatter misconceptions! To educate and enlighten us on these misunderstood faiths. Maybe she got Margot Adler to come on the show? Perhaps some elders in the Pagan community like Ray Buckland, Starhawk, or Isaac Bonewits?

“She welcomed Fiona Horne, an Australian singer/songwriter who practiced Wicca. Fiona had written eight books about the subject and was a star both inside and outside of the pagan world…”

Fionna “Mad Mad House” Horne? That was the expert? Ok, calm down, it can’t be that bad. Joining Fiona on stage was model Wrenna Monet, and “Brandy” (if that is her real name) an African-American Witch who has faced suspension at her job for bringing tarot cards to work.


Brandy, Wrenna Monet, and Fiona Horne

So maybe the show will be a little fluffy, but it can be too bad. Wait, she is introducing a feature on another aspect of modern Witchcraft. Maybe now we’ll get some good educational content.

“But on the opposing side were “dark witches.” Jymie and Vicky were dark witches that owned America’s oldest occult shop. Jymie described dark witches as neutral, neither good nor bad. They had their own faith system and moral compass, but she warned that you should not cross them. Jymie explained that the main difference between dark witches and white witches was that white witches did not acknowledge the dark side and tended to live in a fantasy world.”

Oh no. Please tell me they aren’t going to do or say anything embarrassing.

“While Tyra’s cameras filmed one of their ceremonies, Richard described their ritual of blood letting as a way to cleanse oneself of fear and hatred. Jymie talked about some items from her curious collection of relics, such as the last breath from a murderer and the burnt remains of a rapist. She said owning them helped cleanse the world of their negative energy.”

Last. Breath. Of. A. Murderer. Why? Have I offended the gods that such torment is visited upon me? At least Tyra isn’t confusing Satanists with Wiccans and Witches.

“This brought us to Tyra’s next guests, Stanton and Szandora, two members of the Church of Satan. Stanton was literally born into Satanism, as the first child born in the church founded by his grandfather. Stanton revealed that Satanism was half anti-religion and half underground art, comprised of creative people such as musicians and artists. According to him, Satanists were not devil worshipers. Instead, they are people who embraced self-expression, individuality and indulgence. He noted that the best spokesperson for the practice was shock rocker Marilyn Manson.”

Keep in mind that the title for this program is “Mysterious Lives of Witches”, not “Mysterious Lives of Witches and Two Satanists”. Man, this is like a bad flashback to the eighties. All we need now is a born-again saved from the terrors of Paganism.

“We learned how some individuals turn to witchcraft, but has anyone switched back to Christianity? This was a path Sarah took when she realized that white witchcraft was not what it appeared to be…She became a solitary practitioner and felt she had more control over her life as a witch. She explained how she lost control when she believed her spirit guide started leading her to ruin. She talked about the day she attempted suicide and how she found Christianity at college. Through her religious roommates, Sarah got in touch with God. She ended up burning all of her Wicca paraphernalia and never looked back. Sarah now believes that all witchcraft leads to was a dangerous place.”

I believe that Tyra has achieved the hat-trick of bad talk shows about “the occult”. Witch, Satanist, Born-Again Christian! Please my brothers and sisters in modern Paganism. Unless its Oprah, do NOT go on a morning talk-show. Don’t! I know you’ll try to rationalize it by thinking that the show producers will get someone worse if you don’t go, but you are NO MATCH for them. You will only look stupid, and the show ALWAYS has the last word.