Staines News columnist Ed Saunt is trying to find a “model” to take out on a date (as part of some sort of bizarre themed dating column).

“Vicki really laid down the gauntlet this week. “I’m dating a model on Wednesday so we won’t be doing any speed dating nonsense,” she said. “You’ll have to find yourself a model too.” Now I apparently don’t have Vicki’s touch for picking up models who feature on the cover of glossy magazines but ‘the bulldog’ (as she likes to call herself) is not one to be denied so I went back to the drawing board to come up with a plan.”

His plan? Hit the clubs. Which doesn’t seem to be working, until….

“…imagine my all-round delight when I sparked up a conversation outside with a gorgeous – yet quirky – girl by the name of Julia. Sweet and funny with a quick wit, Julia seemed fantastic – if maybe sailing too close to the quirky wind.”

Success! A gorgeous and quirky girl who is “sweet and funny” to boot! What could be better? But it appears there is trouble in dating paradise for Mr. Saunt.

“‘I’m a witch,’ she said. ‘Don’t be so harsh on yourself,’ I thought, before realising she actually believed she had powers she could summon from bringing the earth’s spirituality together as one or some other rubbish. I felt scared because she was a witch, I felt relieved I hadn’t gone home with a witch but most of all I felt embarrassed that I had fallen for a witch. Needless to say I made my excuses and magic-ed my way off into the night, eager not to let the search for a model turn into another witch-hunt (sorry).”

Apparently being a Witch is a dating deal-breaker, no matter how “gorgeous”, “sweet”, and “witty” you are. I suppose I could talk about how narrow-minded and ignorant Mr. Saunt is, but the real question here is how this prat is getting dates at all? Julia, despite the likely embarrassment of suddenly being ditched by the guy you’re chatting up, is the truly lucky one here. Imagine the horror of actually bedding this soulless wonder. It seems that finding a nice understanding person outside the Pagan community is harder than it looks.