Raising Pagan Children
The East Bay Express has a long article up dealing with the children of modern Pagans, and the struggles faced raising them.
“At first glance, you’d never know that little Elizabeth Nettleton is Pagan. The vivacious four-year-old cuddles in her mother’s lap, floppy blond bangs dangling in her eyes as she clutches her green stuffed alligator and a red teddy-bear blanket. Then the girl reaches underneath her pink sweater and pulls out a long silver chain bearing a dime-size pentacle.”
Journalist Kathleen Richards explores many different aspects and challenges facing Pagan parents, including mixed-faith marriages (she highlights a Wiccan/Catholic marriage), alternative youth programs like The Spiral Scouts for non-Christian children, and the issues of acceptance with other children.
“Vibra Willow remembers having to warn her two kids – the eldest is now 27 – against disclosing their identity as part of the East Bay’s Reclaiming community. Reclaiming is a form of feminist, modern Witchcraft that includes kids in its rituals. “I know that was traumatic and unhealthy for them, having feelings about growing up different and weird,” she says.”
During the article Richards also interviews Patrick McCollum, a teacher at Cherry Hill Seminary and the first government-recognized Wiccan chaplain in the United States. In addition to discussing the challenges faced by Pagan families, he also talks about the explosive growth of modern Paganism.
“It’s grown from being obscure to becoming one of the top four faith groups in the United States,”
While I agree we are no longer obscure, I don’t think we are in the top four yet, unless our growth has been far more explosive than anyone could have predicted. Even if we are close to 1.2 million (collectively) as McCollum claims in the article, that still puts us behind Islam, Buddhism, and self-identified Agnostics. But McCollum’s larger points about the burgeoning growth of “Pagan babies” are still relevant.
“The increasing presence of children is transforming a community that has historically practiced behind closed doors. “Twenty-five years ago when the first Pagan children were coming out, there was no place for them in the Pagan community,” says McCollum, who has raised three children. “Now every major event you have for Pagans, they have playgrounds and directors that oversee children’s programs.” That’s a dramatic departure from Pagan parenting of the past. “It was dangerous to participate in Pagan events, and if you take your children, you might have someone come up and firebomb you,” McCollum says of the 1960s and ’70s. Parents who did involve their children faced the possibility of having them taken away…”
Custody battles where a parent’s Pagan religion are used against them are still very much with us, and are still destroying lives. McCollum claims that this trend is far more pervasive than we realize.
“In custody proceedings, even in the Bay Area, according to McCollum, it’s not unheard of for an ill-informed judge to revoke custody of a child based on a parent’s practices. “There isn’t a month that goes by that I don’t get a call from some Pagan parents who are potentially losing their children because they are Pagan,” he says.”
The issues regarding Pagan children is only going to grow and become more complex as our growing population has more and more children. Eventually our collective size is going to mean that custody struggles and issues of accommodation within our overwhelmingly Christian nation are going to become more heated. But I don’t think we will be in this struggle alone. As the court case of Wiccan Cynthia Simpson showed, where several minority faith organizations rallied to file amicus briefs. But in the long-run, a re-strengthening of the separation of Church and State seems the only real solution to guaranteeing our continued rights, and those of our children.
3 responses so far
I think it was much easier to raise children Pagan 25 years ago than it is now. I raised mine Pagan and had virtually no problems with it. Certainly no one ever threatened my children for being Pagan even when they wore their Pagan T-shirts. Our home and vehicle were never vandalized. I never had any issues when I brought my children to Pagan gatherings. My children range in age from mid-20’s to late 30’s.
Now, if I were just having children, I’d be much more cautious about it both in the Pagan community and at large in the non-Pagan community.
The blending of government with one of our many religions has led to an oppressive and violent atmosphere that is troubling, and I fully agree that we need to re-emphasize and strentgthen the separation of Church and State if only to ensure the safety and sanctity of our families.
One of my children was in a non-demoninational day care for his early years and is now in public school (he’s nine). The 5 year old is in a Lutheran preschool because it’s affordable and close to my home. While they come across to me as tolerant, I also show my little one where many of the Easter and Christmas rituals came from. He seems confused about this, so I’m going to maybe teach him when he’s a little older.
I have brought both children to public and private rituals but I would never dream that someone would try to take them from me simply due to my religion….that is horrible beyond words!
Also noticed – not many books about Paganism/Wicca geared toward the younger set. I know there are a few for teenagers; if I could even write, I would dash out a couple for elementary schoolers!
I agree with Noddy – separation of Church and State must…MUST…be upheald.
I was born and raised in a pagan household, my mother is a pagan high priestess and my biological father is roman catholic, when they divorced my father attempted to use her religion against her. It did not work. But in all of my years growing up (going on 22 now) I have never had a large problem with being pagan, and I have been out of the closet for many years. I grew up in the Bible belt of the South and people would think that I would be ridiculed and such but the worse I had were uninformed people telling me that I was going to burn in Hell. I have had friends who grew up in the same area have much worse treatment but I think times have changed a little bit and now people are able to get information quicker, and from a more reliable source than their 70 year old preacher who has never taken a step out of their state. People as a whole are more informed about different things. We attend Pagan gatherings often and always as a family, and with the rest of our circle, we are a Traditional Family Witchcraft circle made up of families with children and some with grandchildren. Many of us are generational witches, and when we go to gatherings and get-togethers I feel exceedingly safe. My circle includes children in on almost all of our rituals and we even have a teen circle, children are a very big part of what we do, for they are our future, our growth and our vision. Without them then we as Pagans would die out. I think we need to teach our children how to think for themselves, how to make an educated opinion and how to stand up for what they believe. Without going door to door or anything like that.